The family frickin' china

Do I want your biscuit recipe? And do I want the mixing bowl you always use to make them? Hell, yes, I do.

Teach me how to make the cornbread just right, please. And the perfectly seasoned cast iron cornbread pan? Please, please, please!

Canning green beans, bread and butter pickles, and chow chow? Show me everything.

Should I really simmer the greens that long? And, yes, I do need the family secret for getting the fried chicken crispy.

But the china? The china…do I have to??

My mother and my mother-in-law are Boomers. I am Gen X (it really is the best generation) and my wife is a Millennial. Never are the generational differences clearer than with the family frickin’ china. This problem is doubled because we’re lesbians. Double the women, double the china. Except my wife’s side of the family really LOVES china, so it’s really quadrupled.

Can someone please explain this to me? I feel as if I’ve been fighting this battle for years. Boomer women keep trying to give us china. Why is this china business a thing? My analysis has led me to conclude that there are three different categories of china in the south.

First, the registry china. This one is the most baffling. Why do we need this if there’s heirloom china unavoidably coming our way? It seems an unnecessary rite of passage that mothers and future mother-in-laws force upon brides to prove their worthiness of marriage by choosing the perfect china pattern. Full disclosure: my wife and I avoided this quandary by getting married in the woods in the middle of a global pandemic. But my most southern of friends, Gen X and Millennial alike, were coerced into choosing their own patterns and, worse, they then must ask family and friends to buy it for them.

Secondly, and my personal favorite, the green stamp-collected china. This is my favorite because it’s quirky and unexpected and full of my own personal nostalgia. Back in the day, grocery stores had stamps you’d collect for shopping with them. Collect so many stamps, trade it in for a piece of their china collection. It could take YEARS to collect the whole set. Imagine the commitment and dedication! Also, I loved gathering these stamps with my grandma when I was a child, but we were more into trading them for a collection of Smurf drinking glasses or crockery. Good stuff, right there. Those Smurf glasses, why aren’t we passing those down?

Lastly, there’s the family heirloom china, passed down from mother to daughter and again from mother to daughter (thus, double the china in a lesbian marriage). All other categories of china eventually end up being heirloom china which partially explains the multitude of china in any given southern home. And now, it’s all making its way to ours.

There are now three full sets of china in my house. My mother’s china is packed in totes and hidden away as she expressly wants no one to know that I have it. You see, her father bought it in Japan immediately following WWII. Yes, my grandfather purchased new china and shipped it home in the aftermath of world war (you know, priorities). Therefore, according to my mother, others in the family may want it. I’ve been forced into china subterfuge. My wife came with two sets and there’s more on the way. Some sort of dowry? I haven't a clue. One set is in the attic and the other has been reluctantly displayed in our china cabinet. Yes, you read that correctly. We have so much china that we had to purchase an entire piece of furniture to display dishes that we never use.

Is a Great Depression thing carried over from Boomers’ parents? Is it some sort of generational trauma after WWII rationing? What is the Boomer obsession with china? My Gen X, classic nihilistic response goes something like this: the china is pointless; the china does not serve my survival nor my well-being; I reject the china. My wife’s millennial response, on the other hand: no need to hurt anyone’s feelings; it reminds me of my grandma; there’s no harm in displaying one set of china and we’ll store the rest.

But did I mention there’s more on the way? At least two more sets! Y’all, what the hell am I supposed to do with all this china??